Good morning, slaves!

You can listen to this while you're reading, if you like:

Good Morning Slaves - The Fantômas-Melvins Big Band

So, for the record, I did not get lapped 4 times. I got lapped once, about 40 minutes in, with 4 laps to go. The way the results get done, you have to make it to half way to be an official finisher. From there, whatever lap you get lapped on is what gets recorded. So while it's accurate to say "1 lap down," for those lapped on the final lap, it's incorrect for the those who got lapped with 2 to go, or in my case, 4 to go. Further, while a normal 'cross race is 60 minutes, the World Cups and World Championships are 60-70 minutes; basically one extra lap.

Either way, I got my ass handed to me, much worse than I was anticipating. I lined up in the second to last row, as expected. I wasn't nervous or worried, and in fact, that may be part of the problem. I started quickly, but with the first u-turn on to the grass coming at about 400 meters, there was never really an opportunity to do anything other than stay where I was. I knew from watching previous editions of the race that the riders in the back would come to a stop and have to walk sections in the first part of the race, so I simply rode easy, stayed on my bike, and waiting for the clog to drain.

From there, though, I was just not engaging. I do not know how to race at the back. It feels like there's nothing to fight for, no reason for any emergencies or to race with any kind of passion. I assumed I could ride a steady race from the back and be strong all day. And while I did ride a steady, consistent pace, everyone else was racing. I was riding tempo. My back was killing me, I couldn't sprint out of the corners - I just didn't have it.

As I said to one of my clients yesterday I feel like I've been almost being too clever, too conservative. There is a time to ride with the "sit up early, recover, don't brake" approach that lets you roll the turns and save some energy. What I'm being faced with here are riders who are going full gas to the turn, braking hard, rolling the turn just as fast as I can, and then sprinting out of them, even at the very back of the race. It's like I landed on Krypton and none of my powers work here. The pedal their bikes like rally car drivers with lots of turbo, unlimited fuel supply, and plenty of braking power.

When I got lapped, and when I watched the race on TV later, you can see the relentlessness with which the riders at the front of the race are racing. It's 110% whenever you can pedal, recover in the turn, and then 110% again, from start to finish. There are moments where a group might come together and then there's a pause, or where it makes sense to follow a wheel. But even following a wheel means racing in that style, because the person you're following is riding that way.

In thinking about my performances since I got here, I see 3 major issues. One is that my back is still killing me in the races. I experimented this year with setting my 'cross saddle position closer to my road bike to try and ease the transition to 'cross, and it's absolutely backfired. I feel great on the pavement and when pedaling steady, but I can barely turn my bike or lift my ass off the seat for uneven terrain without excruciating lower back pain after about 20 minutes. That makes it hard to pedal, no?

Two is that I was definitely still jetlagged, and dealing with trying to be all things to all people. The meetings on Saturday weren't hard or stressful, but when I'm falling asleep on every break between them and then still waking up tired after 9 hours of sleep overnight, I'm obviously not 100%.

Third is that I just have to change my style. I have to race at the back with the same intensity I race at the front. Where ever I am in the field, I have to fight for every position, care about it like I'm racing for the win. Every spot is worth fighting for, and I have to come at it with more intensity and more meaning than I have so far. I can't waste the opportunity to do these races by being in my own head the whole time.

Tonight I'm heading to the Netherlands for the Nacht van Woerden. It's been raining here all night and all morning, so it looks like I'm going to have my first genuinely muddy race. It doesn't start until 9:30 at night, so in addition to trying to figure everything else out, I'm going to have to deal with picking lines in the mud, in traffic, and in the dark. Awesome. At least I actually have a start contract for this race!

It's not the Fourth of July, but:

Fourth of July - Galaxie 500

I wrote a poem on a dog biscuit
And your dog refused to look at it
So I got drunk and looked at the Empire State Building
It was no bigger than a nickel
And if it don't improve
Then I have to move
I never thought that I would end up here
Maybe I should just change my style
But I feel alright when you smile

Thank god for Janice and video chats.

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